It was never meant to be

31 05 2010

Having just survived the ordeal of IVF, donor-eggs and surrogacy, our quest to be parents headed off in a different direction, although we did not know it at the time, as a couple, we had been mortally wounded by our IVF. We didn’t go off to Russia or Korea as many did, instead we chose to approach the adoption service in New Zealand. Tired, emotionally battered and mentally exhausted, we somehow convinced ourselves that we were superhuman and that as everything else had failed, perhaps we could lavish our love and affection on children who were less fortunate and needed new parents or parents for the very first time.

Children are very hard to adopt in New Zealand for a number of reasons. Unwanted pregnancies amongst those of New Zealand European ethnic origin are more likely to result in a termination, whereas with Maori and Pacific Island families, many unwanted babies are ‘cared’ for by the extended family. There are also many bureaucratic hurdles through which to jump, quite rightly, which are all designed to protect the interests and welfare of children, and test one’s desire and resolve (as if we needed that to be proven!).

At the time we started looking into adoption, we were told that we would only be able to adopt a baby from our own racial background. Therefore, with a waiting list of over 200 couples for every  NZ European baby that came up for adoption, it was going to be some wait. Unless a private adoption opportunity came along, the reality was we might never become parents, so in earnest we decided to make further enquiries. Read the rest of this entry »

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Children in need

31 05 2010

This is the preface to  It was never meant to be a post I am writing and will publish very shortly. It examines my experiences of the adoption system in New Zealand, after we took the decision to provide a home to two very damaged little souls.

I am not qualified to pass judgement on adoption protocols, but I do have opinions based on what I experienced. I don’t  seek to undermine the efforts of anyone involved in adoption. To the best of my knowledge, everyone involved with adoption and fostering acts within established legal constraints, they are largely professional, selflessly dedicated  and act without side nor malice to procure the very best possible outcome for children in need, in what can be a maelstrom of emotion and complex legalities. Read the rest of this entry »